THE NATIONAL TRANSPORT SAFETY BOARD

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occurred, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh, Shit".
Only the state of Montana was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:
"Hold my beer and watch this!"

IF BILL GATES WAS A REDNECK

If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

If you ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Lea wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

THINGS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD A REDNECK SAYS

I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

Do you think my hair is too big?

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

The tires on that truck are too big.

I've got it all on a floppy disk.

Do you think this ball cap goes with this shirt?

Damned if that politician ain't honest!

We're vegetarians.

I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

You can't feed that to the dog.

Trim the fat off that steak.

I just love the Opera

Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

Wrestling's fake.

BILLY BOB OUT WALKING!

Billy-Bob was walking into town one day wearing nothing but his gun and his boots. Just as he began walking down Main Street he was confronted by the Sheriff.
"Hey, Billy-Bob, ya mind if I ask you what you are doin' walkin' down Main Street wearin' nothin' but your gunbelt and boots?"
"Well Sheriff, it's a long story."
"I ain't going nowhere", said the Sheriff.
"Well Sheriff, a couple hours ago I ran into Mary Lou in the saloon. We had ourselves a couple of drinks and then we started to feelin' kinda frisky and Mary Lou said, 'Why don't we go out to the barn?' So we did. Then we started getting real close and cuddin' and smoochin' and Mary Lou said, 'Why don't we go out back and go up to the top of the hill.' So we did." He continued,
"We started cuddlin' and smoochin' some more and the next thing I know, Mary Lou had taken off all her clothes and she suggested that I do the same. So I did, all except my gunbelt and boots. then Mary Lou laid down on the ground and spread her legs apart and said
'Okay,Billy-Bob, go to town'.

PROOF AT LAST

If you believe in creation as espoused in the Bible, then Adam and Eve's children would actually have had to have sex with one another for the earth to have become populated.
This is surely proof positive that Alabama was at one time the Garden of Eden.